I am afraid.
Afraid of being seen.
Afraid of being heard.
Afraid of being felt.
These fears have entrapped me into a cage of my own creation
Locked by my self imposed imprisonment of toxic thinking
I am left facing the bars of my mind that shout back at me
“What the fuck do you have to say?”
As if what I have to say matters,
and after all, why should it matter?
Why should I matter?
Why do I need to matter?
Why do I not give myself permission to share a part of me that needs so desperately to be expressed?
Why do I prevent myself from drinking the medicine that only I can give?
Endlessly suffering looking for ‘the way’, when the road is paved by accessing my own pain?
What good is it to contain the madness that lives inside?
Because I fear being judged and seen for what and who I really am?
And so fucking what?
This is who I am.
Are we not all troubled?
Are we not all in some way fighting ourselves?
Between what we are told and what we feel?
Between what we want and what we believe to be right?
How much longer will I suffer at the hands of borrowed stories, paths, and agendas.
Must I die with the words of my suffering lodged between my hands and my heart?
Who cares if no one listens.
I can not continue living this lie,
That everything is constantly alright.
That there is no place for lostness, pain, or confusion.
That there is no room for imperfection,
That the raw, real, and messy are too disturbing to face
and that it's not ok, to not be ok
I am more afraid to die with words left unsaid
Then keeping these estranged thoughts to myself
I am more afraid to die with dances never performed
Then suppressing my soul
So I am calling for a revolution,
A great unmasking.
To be unapologetically real
Say things that make other people feel
So that we can all collectively heal
And stop suffering in silence
Letting ourselves truly be seen
For who we are,
with what we really feel,
Letting ourselves bleed…
Giving ourselves the medicine that we need
Peeling off one layer at a time
