Come here,

Go away

Feel familiar?

I want you close,

But I can’t bare to stay

Longing for connection,

But more comfortable with rejection

It’s too — big — a — risk

I’d rather pretend that I don’t care,

And continue my life

As if you weren’t really there

Because if I open,

And I reveal

Who I am and what I really feel?

And you just can’t deal?

No, there’s too much at stake,

And I have worked way too hard,

To let go of the chains

That protect my heart

I’ve been here before

I know how it goes,

I’ll let you into my world

And then you’ll quickly disappear

And I’ll be left

Once more

Reminded of why

I should have learnt from before

Angry and frustrated at myself

Forced to feel

The undercurrents of all the pain

Of the men that came before

So yes, I want you close,

And yes, it feels so good to be around you.

So good, that I just can’t bare to stay

Because I am afraid

I’m afraid of connection

I’m afraid of rejection

I’m afraid of feeling what it is I really feel

So I pull away.

And in the midst of my confusion,

I tell you to come here

And then go away

When really I am longing for connection,

But I am more comfortable with rejection

Because love is too — big — a — risk